rant, self reflection

Inconsolable Jealousy

Open recent Google searches: 

  1. How to stop comparing yourself to others
  2. How to stop being jealous of your friends
  3. How to accept yourself
  4. How to 

I am being consumed alive from the inside out by inconsolable jealousy.

Absolute, seething resentment.

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random musings, rant

The Irony of the Prevalence of Maurice in ‘Dark Academia’

There has been many a critique of the Tumblr slash TikTok Dark Academia community floating around across different platforms. I’ve read such critiques on mainly Twitter and Tumblr, probably most accessible due to their word-centric interface.

Now the topic of Dark Academia as an aesthetic community has resurfaced so to speak upon the release of a NY Times article about young adults filling the void of online schooling through sharing online material all surrounding Dark Academia.

I was surprised that such a publication would pick up a topic like curated online teen aesthetics but also unsurprised that the article didn’t go in depth of the inner workings of the community itself and barely touched the surface by simply describing and discussing the visual aesthetic. Which I guess is something Dark Academia enthusiasts and fervent defenders are relieved about?

Now there are many great critiques already available regarding the number of questionable aspects of Dark Academia such as the glorification of the western canon in academia, the dismissal of the reality of actual modern-day students currently attending these institutions (many of which are unfortunately children of rich assholes who themselves become rich assholes), but I’m going to touch on one particular fascination of the Dark Academia community that I can both sympathize with but also makes my eye twitch: Maurice, the 1987 Merchant Ivory film.

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thoughts on : films

In Defense of the Beautiful Actor

(Written at 4 AM this morning as I played girl in red’s i wanna be your girlfriend, trying to fall asleep to her singing “I don’t wanna be your friend, I wanna be your bitch.”. Edited at 1 PM for clarity.)

Everyone complains about Clive’s mustache, and his obvious ‘glow down’ when he starts to pretend to be straight (In the process of curating photos for this post, I actually had a very difficult time finding HQ photos of him with his mustache, which was hilarious to me since it was further proof that no one wanted to immortalize this travesty). I commented on this as a reply to someone else’s Letterboxd review: “I thought it was a clever way to comment on queer aesthetics, how we are the most beautiful when we embrace ourselves.” In my own review I also mentioned how slicking back his hair, arguably his most beautiful asset, as well as growing a mustache are emblematic to his plight in trying to fit into heteronormative polite society. But it’s 4 am and I’ve just realized something.


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